X Rated Cakes

This cat has nothing to do with this post. I found it on google. Someone nicely pointed out that despite the content warning, this post came accompanied by a close up picture of a c*ntcake, which may have negated the warning... So here is this surprised cat.

Not for the faint of heart, or the under 16s

Ladyparts first…

Three and a half years ago, my friend J was in town for his birthday, so I asked if he wanted a cake. He said he wanted ‘a big moist c*unt of a cake’, and when I asked what kind, he said ‘chocolate’. J really should have been less specific, or more specific depending on how you look at it. I knew what I had to do:

This first c*ntcake was a mere a prototype for many c*ntcakes to come. For this primary model, I used a deep springform pan for the chocolate cake, and cut away the sides to make the overall shape shape. I covered it with pink dyed vanilla frosting, and used pink and red modelling icing that someone else had left in my apartment god knows when, or a blend of the two colours, to make the inner and outer labia (labia minora and majora), clitoris, urethra and anus. As I said, this is only a prototype.

J had to take this cake to an academic conference.

I’ve since made a more c*ntcakes, and multiple cupc*ntcakes. Here are two of the larger cakes:

The cake on the left is an almond cake with almond icing, and the cake on the right is a vanilla cake with vanilla icing. Both were coloured on the inside, as you can see from the photos. The interior of each cake is below its initial photo.

These c*ntcakes were made in fairly close temporal proximity to one another, and as you can see, I paid a bit more attention to detail. Between the prototype and the production of these next vulvar masterpieces, I acquired a spherical cake pan, which really helped with the overall shape. Furthermore, these are a bit more anatomically detailed and accurate than the prototype. For instance, note the different colour on the inside and outside of the labia majora to give a more realistic appearance and the delicately placed jam in the vaginal canal to give the appearance of wetness. I’ve also added more effects, such as a perineum, pubic hair and more detail around the clitoris, to achieve a more realistic and accurate appearance.

I’ve also made a few cupc*ntcakes, which I gave as novelty gifts for people, like my boss:

The two cakes on the left were done with a limited amount of red modelling icing because it was all I had at the time, and as you can see they are not as detailed as their larger counterparts. The cake on the right was made with just icing, which I arranged as deftly as I possibly could. The quality and accuracy has clearly suffered, but I do prefer chocolate sprinkles over pink sugar crystals for pubic hair.

Like the real thing, no two c*ntcakes or cupc*ntcakes are the same.

And now for the dakes...

That's a dick cake, in case it wasn't immediately evident.

My first dake was for my friend S's birthday. A group of us came up with the idea while we were thinking of the most hilariously inappropriate shape we could make, and let's face it, penises are funny. This beautiful double ended dildo cake was the result:

I cannot take full credit for the decoration, I had a lot of help from my friend E. Let me just say, however, that penises are the most difficult shape I have had to ice to date. So many crevices and round edges! This cake is banana, and the icing is white chocolate cream cheese. In order to get the flesh colour for the icing I used a combination of yellow and orange food colouring. Again chocolate sprinkles worked very well to create pubic hair.

The only other dake I have had the privilege to make was a penistachio cake for my friend V. And by that I mean pistachio. The cake is pistachio and the icing is almond with a marzipan base. It is evident by the plain decoration that it was I who was responsible for the result:

As you can see, this cake has no food dye, and is very simple. Pink sprinkles were not the best choice for pubic hair as it is very hard to get them to stick to the sides of the scrotum on a marzipan icing.

It is probably clear from this blog post that I find making c*ntcakes a lot more enjoyable and artistic than making dakes. If that is not clear from this blog post, let me say that I enjoy making c*ntcakes more than dakes. That said, I like making cake of all shapes and sizes, and now that I have a penis shaped cake pan (you can buy one on Amazon, who knew?), if you know anyone who you think is a cock or a see you next tuesday, or someone who'd just like to bury their face in a big moist c*nt...of a cake, I do make cakes to order.